In recent times, I have had a very hard time finding stuff that I enjoy doing. I know part of the struggle is with my depression, but it adds another layer to the issue that my options are limited by my physical health. Since returning from the USA about a couple months back, I have been facing a lot of challenges as well.

     Medication is one thing that tends to keep me on track, but for some reason they haven’t been as effective as usual. It’s hard because I know they are helping to some degree, and I would be far worse off without them, so it makes the idea of trying new ones a bit scary. It’s not like I have the ability to try changing them at the moment anyway as the NHS has been very slow at giving me the care I need.

     So comes the question of how I find enjoyment in life when my options of what to change are very limited. I know I need change, I thrive doing things that are fresh to me. It’s just such a struggle when I get everything together for a project I’d like to work on and sit down in front of it to find all that desire to work on it drain from me, or my pain is so unmanageable that I have to stop before I even beginning, and I’m stuck in that hole again.

     Life with chronic illness is very difficult. The past 6 years of this has been extremely challenging and I know there is no end in sight. Now that spring is coming, I have to hide in the dark much of the day because the bright sunlight makes my symptoms far worse. I tend to blame my depression for my lack of interest, but much of it probably comes from all the frustration of living with several chronic conditions, because before all of this I was very inspired and always wanted to keep my mind and body active, it’s in my nature.

     Anyway, if anyone wants to share their thoughts or can relate, I’d be interested to hear from you. I’m gonna try to keep up on writing as it seems to be one outlet I can occasionally focus on as it is a lower energy activity for me. All I can do is try my best, and I know I’m trying as hard as I can every day.