Recently I have been struggling a lot with my health. I live with a chronic condition called Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS), which is an autoimmune disorder in which my immune system attacks my joints. If left untreated my joints and back could end up fusing, so I have to take immunosuppressants to stop that from happening. It’s been a very difficult condition to learn to live with as it has gotten worse.

     Recently though, I have had more issues on my plate as I have injured my back doing too much heavy lifting. AS makes it so healing from injuries takes longer and I’m sure is contributing to just how bad this pain is. I find myself in so much pain at times, I end up in tears and unable to sleep or do the basics to take care of myself. I had to go to urgent care to get some stronger medication to manage this pain, it has been so bad. I hate how the medication makes me feel. I’m so groggy and can’t seem to focus on the things I normally enjoy doing.

     This has been affecting my mental health a lot as well. I find myself in these depressed states where I just feel useless because I really want to help get the house in a better state to live in, but I only hurt myself more by trying. It’s hard to be patient when the unorganized mess is staring me right in the face every day and is not only affecting me, but my wife as well. I know what is best for both of us in the long run is for me to let myself heal before I try to tackle any physically demanding tasks, but this is definitely having serious impacts on my mental health.

     I don’t have anyone else I can ask for help. I’d probably be hesitant to if I did, I struggle to ask for help, but I honestly think I would do so if I felt I had anyone beyond my wife I could ask. We just don’t have enough between the two of us and our health to manage this right now, and I think I just have to somehow learn to be okay with that. It’s difficult to watch as my ability to complete everyday tasks becomes harder and harder, but this is just what I need to accept living with chronic health conditions. Anyway, I just felt I needed to get this out somewhere, I’ve been so overwhelmed.